I’m Here, But I’m There

I am disoriented when I’m home here in Sydney. 

The noise, people, constant movement, unattainable trends and no depth. 

Yes, this will always be home, I grew up here, my family and dearest friends are here but while physically I’m here, my mind is somewhere else. 

I’ve lost touch of the person who I am now, to the ideal women I want to be. My ideals of a happy life doesn’t resinate with people here. Here I find myself being put into situations I never intended to be apart of, therefore sidetracking my own happiness because I hate seeing the people I love struggling or in pain. So others first then me last. 

I feel guilty if I start to think selfishly.

Only time I feel free and myself is when I travel and in Byron Bay.

Is it maybe the holiday buzz and free from responsibilities that gives it, it’s appeal? 

I don’t know but every time I go back to Byron Bay, I’m home. 

Braless, shoeless, pantless. 

The ultimate freedom.

The nature, beaches, people, cafes, laid back attitude towards life is something I aspire to live by and work towards, ideally making a life there but only time will tell. I still have many plans and things I want to accomplish (Melbourne to finish degree).

I always put myself in this ugly state of mind where I believe I can’t make anything I want happen mostly due to money or lack of jobs. Horrible, I know.

It’s an easily laughable situation, 20 year old crisis “first world problems”. 

 

Dedicated to all lost 20-something year olds.

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This entry was published on November 2, 2016 at 2:51 am. It’s filed under Words and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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