From Afar

The heaviness in my heart weighs down my entire body.

I cut the strings of connection and yet you’re still present in my thoughts. 

A constant reminder of who I’m missing.

I want you to call me, let’s make up and forget that week never happened. 

That week…

I replay it over when I can’t sleep and I’m embarrassed, how did I not see the signs?

Maybe I did, but choose to be in denial.

To keep the dream alive a little while longer.

When my state of longing and loneliness disappears for a moment, I rationales. 

I was never good enough for you.

I remember vividly this feeling of worthlessness, each time you deny me or I feel abandoned by you. 

I miss you. 

I miss you.

I miss you.

The more I say it, it becomes real.

We were real once upon a time.

I day dream about our next meeting.

We have this funny way of running into one another.

Bars. Cities. Transport.

Maybe you’ll be with someone who makes you happy.

She will be beautiful. Kind. Funny. A match made in heaven.

Two peas in a pod.

If we happen to catch a glimpse of one other across the room I won’t walk to you, even though I want to jump into your arms. I’ll look into your eyes, smile, wink and hold my glass high in the air. Our unspoken words will tell 

“You seem healthy and happy, I wish you best in this journey of life. I’ll love you from afar.”

And we will resume back to our conversations, drinks and be merry, my heart will break a little, but knowing you’re happy and fulfilled is more than enough for me to continue on. 

Dedicated to the Cheshire Cat whose smile I can never get over. 

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This entry was published on February 24, 2017 at 4:00 am. It’s filed under Words and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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